The last few months of running have left me in a state of disagreement. On the one level I want to keep up my exercise and getting to to socialize with my running family. On the other, I have been at warfare over getting out the door and really ENJOYING the run. Yes, I did type that. We all go through challenges in our routine and the love we once had for something in particular can fade if not fed, cherished and changed now and then. It needs to be kept fresh and something that we really want to do. After the Rum Run 10K in May, I had so much going on in life that my desire to run simply vacated my passion oriented brain and heart. I didn't stop running but the addition of more pain from the arthritis and sciatica made getting out that much more difficult and a non essential thing. Mileage dropped, fun levels did as well.
No, I was simply unhappy with the way my running was going. The Vancouver Marathon half then came up and although it was a great race and my time was decent, I still seemed to be a wee bit on the depressed side for my racing and in general. Not a depression of life or circumstances, but in my abilities. They had disappeared from the last year. I was simply going through the motions.
And it was getting tougher to maintain the distances I had been running the last few years. Ugh. What now? Why now?
Was I just waiting for the doldrums to disappear or was I simply not being proactive in tackling the reasons as to WHY I was unhappy with my running? Time to sit down and reflect on all I had done over the last six years of my very short running life.
As I didn't start to run seriously until 2008, much had passed me by the previous decades. Sure, as a teenager in high school I would run and race a little. I managed to complete Bloomsday in Spokane twice and enjoyed that. Same with some small 5k races in my area. But running in the late 70's and early 80's still didn't have the appeal nor the support it does now. Not even close. I never did run much at all until 2008, when at the age of forty two, I lost my father. That got me thinking about my own state of health and inactivity. I was overweight, had high cholesterol and was going to eventually be a diabetic if I didn't do something about it. So, that September day, I talked to my doctor and agreed to start working out. As I really disliked weight training, and still do, I needed a sport or activity I would enjoy. While biking was fun, I needed a place to store it and always has issues with something breaking on it. More money spent on repairs. Ugh. Biking was really great fun and good for me but I liked the simplicity of running as all I needed was a pair of shoes, shorts and shirt and off I could go, no matter what part of the world. I could run anywhere!!
Before checking out the local running community I started where I shouldn't have: the local gym/fitness place. Ugh. That meant....treadmills. Major dislike. Immediately I hated the feel, the bounce and the thought of others watching this amateur run on that contraption. Granted, I sure liked to watch OTHER runners on the treadmill. I'm not dead. :-P But oh, how I loathed those machines.
No, it wasn't only the fact that others were watching me. It was that I felt trapped, like a mouse in a wheel. I couldn't breathe. All around me were sounds of grunting people, scents of sweating bodies and wet towels. These dynamics sent me out to find a different path. Also, one I didn't have to pay for monthly, especially one that seemed to go up in price constantly. Paying to run on a treadmill? How crazy was that.
Brainstorm. Why not buy a watch, go outside and do this for ...nothing. Sure, initial outlay. but after that, what monthly payment was there? And the scenery was so much better outside. Clean air.
Now that I am running, reading magazines and books, working out ....what next? I became part of the running community in my town. My wife joined me in this and within a few months I was racing again. The mileage built up, I was losing weight, feeling good. All of the parts of the puzzle were beginning to come together and I was really enjoying life. A lot!!! Within a few years I had run marathons, half marathons and most distances in between. My local race director, Brian, and his company Energy Events, had become a major source for my racing. I learned so much about running from others in that first year and really found this a calling for me. The last few years, though, have seen a steady decline in my racing totals as far as speed and distances go. This year, for sure. As my arthritis and sciatica went up, my running totals went down. And I'm not getting any younger. Nobody does.
Pain management has helped and this is a good thing. So, with that in place the last few months, why the unhappy feeling with my running?
Finally, I think I know. Pressure. My OWN pressure to perform. To be out there, no matter how bad I felt. I watched others do it...why couldn't I do the same? It's only seven miles a day. Three to four times a week. It's only a fifteen miler this Saturday. That was where I was wrong. We each have our own way of training, of running. I was doing it for others AND myself. That was part of my problem. I was running too much, too far and too often. It was making me feel like I had an agenda, a quota I had to make. Like the goals we always read about and set HAD to be met or I would be a failure. After a lot of thinking, pondering and really discerning where I was at, I came to a few conclusions:
1---I was running too often. Yes, sounds crazy. But I was running when I thought I HAD to instead of when I WANTED to. My legs and feet hurt as well as my hips and knees.
2---I have been running too many miles. Not in totals, but in daily distance. I found that running seven or more miles too often was really making me tired, sore and not happy.
3---I was running in the same locations, areas and needed to change that. Drive a bit if necessary.
4---Races. I was running too many, too often. Also sounds crazy, but they are expensive and take time away from family and other things. I actually slowed down a lot this year, so this one is not new.
5---And finally, distances. What makes this man happy is running for fun, enjoyment and the feeling I get being with family and friends. Not for the bling, the medal nor for being a certain place in my age group. Those are great but certainly not worth it if I become unhappy with the running or the training.
What all of the above gobbledygook says to me, and hopefully to you the reader, is that I need to slow down. It means appreciating and enjoying the running itself and all that goes with it, not the means to the end. It signifies that this runner is going to change directions with regard to his running journey.
1---After the upcoming North County Wine half marathon, I shall be concentrating on shorter distance races. That means anything under a half marathon. The only exception will be the Vancouver Half, next June.
2---When I go running for my daily or every other day workout, it shall be with the intent of enjoyment and how I feel. NOT for a distance I must achieve. If not, I come home feeling disappointed, with a broken spirit in that I have failed and am not worthy to be called a runner.
3--- Distances will be what I feel I can do. No pushing to make seven or eight when I know It makes me feel crummy afterwards. Why do that? Sure, some will give me reasons like "You need to push all your limits", or "No pain, no gain", even "Run outside your comfort zone". Not this runner. No more. I want to feel GOOD about myself and not be in pain. And the other side of comfort is being uncomfortable. Not sure about you, but I dislike uncomfortable. So, three to six milers, perhaps an odd seven.
4---And most of all....spending time with my running family and friends!!! Some running pals of mine have always stuck to this as one of the most important aspects to their own running lives. They might not be fast, win medals, have low per mile numbers nor run marathons all the time. But they have FUN! Like the photo below... smiles,joy and good times!! This might not be the most popular view among my running friends and family, but it is what works for me.
THAT is what it is all about!! Happiness!!!
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