A step backwards...

  Life teaches us many valuable lessons along it's pathway. We learn things from our own missteps or from others around us, making them instead. Either way, it can be a very enlightening lesson or a downright nasty one. Mine have fallen into the middle of that somewhere. None of my lessons have been hurtful for the most part nor have they been something entirely experienced by my friends and family. The last few months of being overly busy and completely engrossed in life have made me reevaluate what I had before and how I lost it.  A simple word: priorities.

Since 2008, my life has been a series of positive change. In 2010, when I lost my job of 20+ years, it was a revelation!! Life changed for the better and I was able to reassign my priorities and to do some things I'd always wanted to emotionally, physically and philosophically. Things were simpler, easier to manage and in many ways, less stressful. Debt free, money in the bank and freedom from a religious and social pressure that had me under it's thumb for most of my life. Yes, the new James was here. No more of that dreaded future of destruction and negativity if I didn't conform. New thoughts, philosophies and structure have changed that. I was free. And in many ways, enlightened.

 

Life had now given me a second chance to be ME. MYSELF. To spend time with those I love and not in a pursuit of material things but of a life filled with wonder at every moment, breath and thought. This was to make the years from 2010 to 2013 simply a delight.

Then....things started to change. This isn't to say that my world fell apart. Not at all. In fact, I'm still very happy and so thankful for all that I have and to be with those who love me. 

What changed???

THIS is what changed me....

 

Yes. The internet is what brought me to this point. Social media, surfing, videos, news, etc. Electronic overloads that preyed on my brain and time every day, all day. I took my device, a Samsung phone, EVERYWHERE. Seemed it was with me all the time. That fact is not a negative  nor detrimental thing at all. But having it ON and always typing or chatting on it is. I have noticed my positive attitude and happy personality start to to change over the last few months with a constant bombardment of signals and nonsense from all corners of the world, sent to the electronic bricks I own and was constantly using.

My time was limited to twenty four hours a day. I was spending half on the stupid computer,whether at home or in transit. Where did that afternoon go? What did you say darling? I missed that. Yep. I was seriously losing track of time AND the moments with those I love. It began to hit me a few days ago when I noticed my own less than positive comments and thoughts regarding some news items.

That is it. I now understand and know what has been eating away at my happy demeanor and making me less of the person I really and truly want to be. It takes effort to keep negativity at bay and cultivate love, understanding and mindfulness. Especially in this negative world. I need a recharge.

So what do I do about it? Just what I did before: limit myself and get back to the priorities that made me happy. The world was full of wonder and new things. Books to read, poems to write. Meditation and music that mad me whole and complete. Ideas and thoughts that stimulate the brain but also force me to look at every human and sentient being around me as something I can LOVE. Not hate. My joy with Buddhist philosophy and how to be always surrounded by kindness and love.

To spend some of my time with the books I so love! REAL paper and bindings,filled with the words and thoughts of those I admire and adore. Whitman, Millay, Teasdale, Dickinson, Frost and so many others. These are books I can hold dear. Not the electronic nonsense of the internet.

Not only poetry, but my favourite music of all: classical. This has been a passion of mine since age 15 and never has waned. Time to get back to this as well. Digesting Mahler, Bruckner, Beethoven, Copland, and so many others I cannot name them all. Add in my Welsh language studies and running...well I have plenty to keep me away from the computer and the internet.

                                                                                    Yet even though these are things that delight me and make me whole, I still could not do them without the love from my family and friends. These are the people I need to spend more time with. In limiting myself from the online and negative pursuits, I shall be able to do more of this as well. 

Therefore, I promise to keep myself limited to one hour a day online and to the same for television. Unless watching a film or something meaningful, when an hour won't complete it. This blog will now become something I have to keep up with and to post more often as well. It is online yes, but not the same when it comes to a time waster. 

Now that I have announced on Facebook and to the world of my intentions to be much less present online, time for sticktuitivity. No, it is not a real word but one culled from a film I admire. I felt it apropos to this blog post. No falling back on those bad habits and watching my positive attitude slip.

Friends and family will help me along for sure in this endeavor. Don't limit your dialogue with me please. I thrive on my love and friendships with you. They also make me who I really am. 

In closing, I'm curious how many really read this blog. It will be posted on Facebook too, as I won't be giving that social site up completely. If you REALLY did indeed read this, go to my Facebook post for this blog and as a comment type..." A step backwards can be enlightening".

Now, to be done with this for the evening and turn the computer off for tonight.

Good night and love to you all. <3