Running older....and wiser??

                                          Over the last six years I have been very blessed with decent health and the ability to run when I want and get out there to races and events. Last year in 2013 I started to notice signs of slowing down. Not just speed but in most aspects.

                                                                           Age? Possibly.

So as many who read this blog know, I went to the doctor and have had a battery of tests completed.
Found out I have psoriatic arthritis with cartilage degeneration in my joints as well as sciatica that simply cripples me sometimes. Yeah, yeah...everyone knows as I whine a lot about it. I'm trying not to do that as much any longer. But it is still there and I fall into the trap now and then. And if someone asks about it, I won't lie and play it down. It hurts. It is painful and it affects my daily life now with not much to cure things other than a regiment of vitamins, better eating and less activity.
This does not sit well with me. I should be able to do more at this age.


This graph below shows how children are affected by psoriatic arthritis. Not as many as the others and this is what I have lived with for most of my life now.

This has followed me to adulthood and beyond.
Now, as I approach the half century mark in a few years, it is making itself known every day.
The Rum Run on Sunday spoke loudly to me about the progression of this on my body and now what I must do in order to combat it, other than the taking of extra vitamins,etc.

     SLOW DOWN!!!!!


Seriously. I have been running way too fast as of late. Sure, I was able to run faster a few years ago and can still maintain a 7:00/mile pace on a 10K and even half if I really wanted to. But the resulting week and longer of joint and sciatic pain are simply not worth it. OK, I'm stubborn. I run faster than I should and pay for it. Sunday taught me a LOT about my body and that it is getting older. it is breaking down. No, I'm not decrepit and on the verge of being hobbled. No, I'm NOT giving up running. But I will admit that I just will have to slow down and not run as fast. Not as far. Perhaps, not even as often, if it is going to do this to my joints. It is not an easy pill to swallow. Especially when I see others older than myself running not only faster speeds, but full marathons AT those speeds. It makes me sad that at age 47 I cannot compete any longer without being in pain.


                                                     Slogans like this really irritate me....

                     Really? Seriously??  What do I gain by running in pain? Another medal that hangs on my wall for my age group? I only have a few and treasure them but they just hang there. What do I gain by running 26.2  or 13.1 miles and then becoming incapacitated for weeks afterwards? Nothing. I have to go to work like others and hence one more reason I cannot and will not run full marathons any more

This is not a put down to anyone running them nor to those running in pain to accomplish said races. I respect and admire those who can do such things. I just no longer see myself running such distance or speeds. Therefore, the rest of this year is devoted to running  

                                            SLOWER. 
                                                                    Yes, slower.

  Am I a weakling due to slowing down? Some may think so. I know some who might say I'm not training enough, or I'm not mentally up to the challenge. That I need to see this therapist or that trainer. (actually, I HAVE seen therapists and doctors a plenty). Or the kicker...that I'm not really a runner unless I do X amount of miles or sessions a week. (Yes, there are a few who think that, unfortunately) Well....in the past I would have used a few choice words with that but it does not good and that is the old James. I'm different now. So they can think what they like.



The last two races I'm signed up for are half marathons. Sure, I'll be running them. But NOT at higher speeds. I'm going to enjoy them at a pace that will allow me to function afterwards and to be a human being without pain. 

                    It truly is necessary for me do so and to focus on the enjoyment of the running, the health benefits of it as well as the wonderful social interaction I receive when getting together with my friends and family for such events. THIS is one aspect I shall cherish and treasure: the social parts.

From now on I will try my best to run slower and to keep these joints and body parts from hurting so much. 

         To enjoy the run, the afterglow of the run and the fellowship I have with my running family.
         To enjoy the healthy aspects of running and what it brings me in the way of endorphins,etc.
         To use running as a meditation and mini vacation from the world to look at my inner self.


Getting older is not always a bad thing. Some folks make it seem like that though and I refuse to be one of those. But, I'm also a realist in many ways and that keeps me grounded mentally and physically. The pain is real, not imaginary. I won't take man made meds for it unless the pain is so intense I cannot function. And that does happen sometimes. I try to focus on the POSITIVE aspects
of everything I can and to make it work for ME. 

As for my running friends and family....go out and do what you can and enjoy it!!!!! I love how all of my running peeps are progressing so well in their racing and training. it makes me smile to see them doing well and enjoying the life that is running. May they prosper even more as time goes on. :-)


                                                             As I age, I enjoy life more and more. Every day is a blessing for me and I cherish the time I have had and that in front of me. Hopefully many more years of running as well as pain free days.This is a quote I have always found appropriate...

Shakuhachi 101...again? Really?

                                     Yes, I will be the first to admit it. Shakuhachi 101...again. I have been playing around with the shakuhachi now for almost five years and even took lessons for some time with Sensei Tyrrell in Portland.

  

Granted, I was not able to spend but three months studying with him so the level of my playing and insight were not accomplished by any means. Still, those were pivotal times for me and I learned many solid and essential things as a foundation for my continued learning.
Then....life happened. So much happened in those months and I could not maintain my practice nor continued learning for the finances were horrible. Simply put, I just could not afford more lessons and would practice on my own. That didn't work out as well either. Since then I have done this TWICE!!!!!! Tried to start over and get my practice going, to work on  breathing techniques and learn those few songs I knew, all over again. Then life would creep back in. So....here I am...AGAIN!!
    ^  Sensei Tyrrell ^


                                    First thing I did was get my playing space ready for study.  It is not a luxurious spot but simply the corner of my own bedroom. This is also my meditation place as well and I try to make time for that along with playing. Sometimes I play and meditate at the same time. Playing the shakuhachi is VERY meditative and proves to be like running in some ways.

 The primary books I have are those authored by Masayuki Koga and workbooks by James Nyoraku Schlefer. These are enough to keep me going for many years and I value them highly. Also using "The Shakuhachi: A manual for learning" by Christopher Blaisdel.

 


   










Now that these are out, on my music stand and ready to go, today will be the first of many I hope to play and get back into shape. Hope to buy a dry erase board and track my practice sessions as well as Welsh lessons and meditations.



                        So...there it is. First up is to get the breathing control back to where it was a year ago and be able to play a continuous note, probably not RO but  TSU and to maintain it for a good 30 seconds minimum.

 

Off I go to play the shakuhachi!!!!

A summer of flutes.

                                                    As spring winds down and the summer season looms, I have made what I think is a plan of action for three months. Not that there are hard and fast plans for me as I really take each day as it comes, cherishing them and living in the moment,as it occurs. But I DO want to at least form some schedule for what might happen in these hot months ahead. Books? Check. Welsh studies? Check. Races and new places to run? Check. Now I shall add another old friend to the mix...shakuhachi and Native American flutes? Check. Yep. They always call to me.
Sitting there, on the wall. Each in it's own position of pride,looking down and wishing to be played.
Sometimes I take them out for an adventure,with my Tascam digital audio recorder . One favourite park near my place has these beautiful cedar trees as well as some hemlocks. Simply stunning place to play.

To the far left is an Anasazi (in black walnut) made by Geoffrey Ellis of Earth Tone Flutes.
Then the Prayer Rock flute (also an Anasazi)
made by Michael Graham Allen AKA Coyote Oldman.
Third from the left is an Mojave 6 in black walnut, again by Geoffrey Ellis.
Fourth is a Hop flute made by Coyote Oldman. This is no longer being made and a prized model in many ways.
Then next is a Mojave in cedar by Coyote Oldman.
Finally, a fipple  Native American flute in black walnut made special order for me by Butch Hall.


To the right is the newest addition to my collection...an Anasazi rim blown flute in curly Maple by Geoffrey Ellis. One of my easiest flutes to get a good embouchure on.
And the colouring is spectacular!!!
I love Ebay sometimes!!! :-)
These instruments are not simply that but works of art, created by expert hands to be cared for,played and loved for a lifetime.











                               These are some of the things I treasure. Not too many items in my possession that I love as much as these. Well, perhaps my fountain pens. :-)

Then there are the shakuhachi. The Yuu model shakuhachi is a great practice instrument and one I take with me sometimes. I need to do this more often and get back to working on breath control as well as technique. Been a long time since I took lessons from Sensei Tyrrell and I hope to someday get back to those.  Here is a photo of the shakuhachi I own...

 This is the Yuu model to the left. Good tone and sound as well.




                Next up is the 1.8 Perry Yung shakuhachi. This is a wonderful sounding model that is my favourite for general recording and meditative playing. Just love the root end on this flute!!!!! 

Yes, it looks more like a weapon than a flute. But, it sounds wonderful!!!! And it has that Wabi Sabi quality that I love.

Finally, a longer and deeper shakuhachi here in the Chikusing model, also by Perry Yung.

This is a 2.2 model and the longest shakuhachi I own.
A very mellow and rich toned flute that is a bit of a reach for my smaller arms. but, I make it work and enjoy playing this flute.

The bottom photo is of the utaguchi, or inlay for blowing across to make the flute sound. This one is made from water buffalo horn.

                 So, there they are. Some background on my flutes and what additional things I have planned for the summer along with a LOT of reading. I had written a blog entry similar to this a long time ago, detailing the flutes and how I adore them and enjoy playing. Someday...I will be good enough to take them to a street corner near Powell's Books in Portland, or another popular spot, and play in public. No way I could do that now but who knows if by summers end I might.

                                  For more posts, check out the Facebook page at :

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Results: Internet,Facebook and coffee

        The goals were all the same: less Internet, less Facebook and less coffee! Ok, failure is not the correct term to be using in this area as a close and wonderful friend once told me. The nomenclature is simply inaccurate. Fine. Then let's break these down. First up...the Internet. Spend less time. Perhaps this is one I have accomplished something with. I indeed have been spending less time on the Internet itself. Less time surfing aimlessly as I read news stories or watch the latest classical music news or concert. Not that the latter is a negative choice at all. But we still only have so many hours in a day. And in this regard, I HAVE been online less. (patting myself on the back, best I could)

                           On to the second point: Facebook. Now, this is a tough one for me. I have admitted it time and time again. And there is no getting away from the fact that I love it. I miss it when away. I crave communication constantly. One thing I'm sure as hell not, is an introvert. If I cannot chat with the girls or close pals, I search for someone. I flirt with the best of them, always in a respectful and harmless manner. Yes, I do. Simply the way I am. But Facebook allows me to post, chat and share with the world. I'm not the private individual that others are and that's what makes us all unique in our own way. I don't go overboard on Facebook with erotic and explicit posts nor nasty religious and /or political rants. but I'm as open as they get and not afraid of blackmail nor losing friends due to being this open. So Facebook is a grand place for me. I shall use it when I want and not be worried any longer. :-) And, I shall cease from stating I'm cutting back on it. I have learned my lesson.

 Now, for the third and final challenge: coffee. As you remember, the caffeine content was my primary focus with coffee as well as the acid level that soured my stomach quite often. So the challenge was to cut out coffee and see how i felt. This drink would be replaced by water and copious amounts of my favourite beverage...tea. Especially green tea. That very week I stopped my coffee consumption and can now state that it has been almost three weeks since ANY coffee!!! Not a drop.
How do I feel? I have been feeling better and better every day. My stomach issues have disappeared for the most part and, would you believe, my arthritis has also been less of an issue. Not that coffee was the culprit but eliminating it and double, even triple dosing on the green tea might have helped. I won't argue at all. Time will tell if any other deductions from my diet will help.

As has been discussed ad nauseum for many, green tea is full of the best things one can get from a leaf. Well, a leafy drink that is. Not the favourite of some due to it's veggie taste and not the most popular worldwide as black is. But there are millions of drinkers daily, especially in Japan,China and the Far East. Add me to that list. And during the summer, I steep it and then pour over ice for a cold drink during the hot days.
                No sugar heavens no.

Why ruin the delicious taste of ANY tea with adding sugar!!!!
Sacrilegious!!!!!

    On those days when i want a treat that is healthier than some horribly bad, calorie and fat filled drink...I can order a green tea Frapuccino .

 Without soy or milk, no sweetener, eight scoops (instead of four) of matcha green tea powder. Tastes like it should and with hardly any calories. Yummy indeed!!!! Looks worse than it tastes. And... I stay dairy and sugar free as well as fat free. Delish!







 OK. Confession and update time is now over for this evening. I've been able to get a lot accomplished today too, finishing a 10K run in the sun, doing dishes,completing laundry and writing letters to my pen pals. yes, I still write REAL letters to REAL people in other parts of this great planet!!! And with fountain pens no doubt!! More on that in a future post for sure. Till then, below is one of my prized pens...the Omas Arco.


    

Our 20th Anniversary

           Times like this don't seem to come up often for many. It is rare for me to hear of my friends and family celebrating twenty years together. Yet, Ann and I have made it to this Silver Anniversary and are so happy after the journey that is not even to the half way point. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

            We met in 1993 at a convention and were captivated by each other straight away. Myself, a lad of 28 and her a young lady of 22.  One never knows how long something will last but I sensed tat that moment things would be grand. And have they ever!!!
             And here are two wedding photos that I have not seen in awhile. They had to be scanned as we didn't have digital back then. REAL film!!!

     

                  
                                   Yep. Twenty years ago we looked like kids. Guess we were. And in many ways we still are kids inside as that joy and spirit has never faded in the time we have been together.


                                              

                    

A failure of sorts.

     Yes, a failure. I try to keep negativity to a minimum in my life and make things as positive as can be. There are times I fail in this, like everyone else. The Dalai Lama calls himself a simple Buddhist monk. Me, well I'm a simple American middle aged man of Celtic descent who screws up often and admits it. This time, I call back to the post from last month. My desire to eliminate alcohol, coffee and bad food from my diet. On the positive side, I have done very well with the coffee aspect as well as cut my bad food down quite a bit. In fact, I've not had a cup of coffee in almost three weeks. Tea, especially green, has replaced it and I've lost weight and feel better. The beer though. Ugh :-(

         I'm surrounded by it. Enveloped by it. Every running event is capped by the scent and tastes of some delightful brews. It is overwhelming to me and I simply cave in. It is not the alcohol. Not a bit. It is the taste and pleasure of drinking ambrosia. The nectar of the gods. Utter failure am I.

                                                          How could I pass on THIS:

 The rich brews.....









Going to one of my favourite hangouts in Portland.... Ringlers Pub.

                                                               Or the Kennedy School!!!!

Yes. Enough has been said. this is a chapter that has now closed in my desire to eliminate beer.

Now on to the reading material for this summer. And what is left of spring,which is considerable.

 Just a few of the books I plan to complete over the next four months, time willing. A lot of Buddhist philosophy books and some Japanese shunga and art books as well. Will have to manage these between writing, poetry, Welsh and running. Speaking of running.....

Sakyong Mipham is a marathoner and Buddhist lama who knows his stuff. He has authored this book about making running and meditation as well as spirituality a coexisting lifestyle. This will be a delightful book for sure and i cannot wait to read it. Now to get back to reading as I have my work cut out for me!!

Who am I: Part II

                            As we age, our perspectives and lives change. For some it is in small amounts and doses where for others...completely different. Still, we retain some of the former life and interests as we explore new horizons and experiences. Mine has been no different. In my previous blog post it was mentioned how my religious upbringing and it's array of regulations kept this boy, and then man, from really being himself. No real detail was given as to what happened nor what experiences led to my leaving and becoming a free individual. And many details shall always remain private and locked within this heart and soul.

 

     But many can and will be revealed as we age. This is the junction I now stand at in my life and one that causes me no stress nor worry. I have become fully open and honest in all of my life's details for the most part and don't mind who knows what. It simply makes one incredibly relaxed and happy knowing that friends, and family hopefully, are all there for who we are and not for what they WANT us to be.If there are those who take offense to what I do or don't agree with it, they have full right to cease from associating with me and moving on. Fortunately, most of those I know have not done this and are still around. A few have left though and even though they are family members and former religious friends, I respect their decision and wish them well in all endeavors. How do we as humans move on from that? 

                          Some do it well and others fall apart. This is where I feel so badly for my friends who have gone through such things and lose the support structure of those who had been there for years, perhaps their entire lives. This is a sad situation and one that should never happen. When it does, I hurt with them.

                            What makes such things happen? Divided households that rely so much on either political or religious thought that it truly gets in the way of love for one another. No elaboration is needed as every circumstance is different and this post need not become a spark for debate nor argument . But it happens daily if not hourly in this country,even world, and I hope someday it stops.

          As a 47 year old Buddhist-Christian bisexual man with an incredible polyamorous family, I have for sure encountered many negative reactions in the last six years of my life. But, on the flip side, I have received and rejoiced in more love and friendship than I did in the previous 35 years. Yes, you read that right. Later on I shall elaborate more on those previous years. But right now I shall just mention that the former life I had in a very conservative religious organization was not all negative nor was I kept "in" physically. But it could sure feel like it when threatened with expulsion and to never see nor talk to those friends and family. A choice had to be made: 

Be myself and who I have been since I was able to comprehend thoughts or follow along with things I didn't believe in and spend my life on this planet thinking I was superior to everyone else because I as in the "right" religion. That was not what I was taught from the sacred books we read nor from the incredible individuals they talk about and glorify. Those men and women had more love and understanding. Things had changed and now God's fan club here on this planet had changed the game plan. So we left.

                                                              This is what it felt like:

                                                   

 

              Those images speak volumes on their own and I won't elaborate on them. My readers here are very intelligent and understand fully what is implied. Why has it taken me six years to write about this? At first I didn't want to keep it in my thoughts. I wanted to get far away and not have it be part of my life. Now that I'm stronger and have no fear of them taking anything away from me, the time has come to embrace my new life even more fully. To love every person I can.The heart can NEVER be fully filled with love. There is always room for more as it is a renewable resource.

 This is one of many reasons why we are a poly family and fall in love with the PERSON, not the gender. All of us feel this way and that has been known by most friends and family for years now. It is on our Facebook profiles and the way we are. This is the 21st century and should not a puritan and oppressive society. So, there it is. A little bit more about us and who we are. This blog is primarily about me, James , but proudly I have this family and they are indeed part of me. I wanted to include them in my post. 

                                               That's it. An outpouring of sorts that will possibly upset some or make them run from me on Facebook and other pages. Hopefully not. Life is fluid and always changing. Embrace it and love your fellow humans as much as possible.

Who am I? What do I believe in??

   Cutting coffee completely out of my diet for awhile has not been easy. I stopped cold turkey and realized that was NOT the way for me. Weaning was the best path for this and so I have been doing that all week long, with a smaller cup every other day. Between those days, green or a blend of green/black tea has been my drink other than large amounts of water. Especially as the heat has been moving upward to the upper 80's. Yes, iced coffee sounds delightful and I shall eventually have one now and then. but for the present moment, I'm determined to get myself back to a less caffeine driven body and more focused on better foods and liquids. So far, the one day, Sunday, was the worst for the headache. All day!!! But I made it through and have been really decent since.

And tea is so refreshing, especially on hotter days. I'll be brewing iced tea a lot more often now.




           On the home front, our apartment has been in need of a spring cleaning and to get it ready for the hot summer ahead. We have been trying to simplify things as much as possible and been selling books, getting rid of unused items and doing a general clear out. Nothing better than a simple life with fewer material things. We shall never win the race for the most material possessions !!!!
This gives me more opportunities for meditation and alone time. Also a bit of a chance to study my Welsh,shakuhachi flute and Buddhist philosophy, which are never ending joys.  A friend asked me the other day if I considered myself a Buddhist. This was his vision of one:

    While I love the serenity and meditative factor...no, this is not what I am. Nor this...

    Although granted, this latter photo is stunning and I'd love to meditate in such a place. How amazing to have that view point. But, we have as stunning a view here in the pacific NW so I could if I wanted. No, that is not the Buddhist I am.

     I was raised as a Christian for many years and found way too much I didn't agree with and found very hypocritical. This was not love nor was it a compassionate and non-judgmental way of living. Living every moment in fear one would be found evil and a sinner and subject to the decisions of others who considered themselves loftier and sinless. This quote is spot on in many ways.

The organized religions were not for me. So I looked further into what would make ME happy and joyful, with the ability to love and live every day as happy as possible. To not judge others and to have a firm foundation of living NOW and not for what might happen in the future IF I did this or that. Buddhism is the one philosophy I have found to work best for me. Not the various sects that one sees such as Tibetan, Theravada or Mahayana. Zen would be the closest that I find to enrich me the most but even it has some things I don't agree with. So I take parts of the different I DO admire and agree with. THAT is my Buddhist lifestyle. I meditate at home, when I run and when I walk. THIS is the Buddhist I am. That loves unconditionally. That does my best to be as good a person as I can.To meditate on life and love every moment possible and be content with less. What a difference this has made for my attitude,personality and outlook on life. So, am I a Buddhist? Well, if I had to label myself for those who need them, I would say I'm a Buddhist Christian. Not the Buddhist in the full religious sense of the word as I don't go in for ceremony nor the various customs of a traditional Buddhist, nor do I worship Buddha, the deities or any others. I love things like this:

    If everyone followed such wise words,loved each other and had compassion,kindness and mindfulness....we would have no wars, no hate nor violence. This is what I want to see in my everyday life. This is the person James wants to be as he lives out his life on this planet. Loving all, being loved by others and doing the best I can to be a good and kind person. Human ideals that simply are part of both Buddhism and Christianity.

               That is who I am. Love me for who I am and not who you think I SHOULD be according to others believes and ideas.