My name is James, and I'm an addict.

                                That subject line is accurate. My name IS James and yes, I AM an addict. My last post had me determined to cut out coffee and alcohol for a few weeks in order to lose some weight and find the possibles that mess with my arthritis. It has been a few years since cutting out coffee but only a few months since doing w/o the booze. So, now that I have been a few days without them...

                                     Yes, this is what I'm going through right now. A headache so bad that I have had to use a Vicodin for it. THAT is extreme. Why didn't I just wean myself off the coffee and not quit turkey!!  Yes, the coffee and it's caffeine are proving to be the addiction, not the alcohol. Oh hell, I can give up the booze at any time. Went a few years once and can easily do that again. But the caffeine is a tough one.  So, now I will have to slow down on it before giving it up entirely. Yes, you  may go ahead and call me a wimp. I accept my fate in this manner.

                                      Now, these things being said and admitted to, onward I go to find a way out of the pain inside my skull. Headaches like this make me a person to stay away from. I don't do well with them and find my alone time the best solution. Not that I'm mean or dangerous. Not at all. But I admit it makes me a mental case of sorts.

      There you have it. My first blog post written, er, typed, with a caffeine withdrawal headache.

                                                     I hope this never happens again!!!!

                                                 If it does, I might look like Gollum.

Changes in drinking and diet.

                                 So now that a diagnosis has been made and I know what I have that's causing my pain and trouble, time to play with the diet and see if certain foods and drinks are making it worse. The Dr did mention, as have many websites as well as the The Arthritis Foundation and others, that diet can certainly play a very significant role in such autoimmune problems. Therefore, the fun starts.
 Books like this would be a good start for me to investigate what can be done on a totally natural and nutritional level as opposed to throwing medication at it.

   Over the last few days I tried a few things and only one worked to relieve the pain: THC. That is all. But I do NOT want to take that unless I have to and am needing it. So on to food options. The two books here are a good start as is the powerful and always available Internet. This is where I shall start.


First decision that I have made is the deletion of all alcohol. Period.
No, this is NOT a fun nor easy thing for me to do but I have done it before and always felt good. This time though, it COULD be a contributing factor in my health. So away goes the beer,wine,port and other delights. This will be a trial for two weeks and after that I shall look back at how things went. In addition to alcohol, I will be giving up coffee. I admit fully that too much has been consumed over the last year and I now will go back to the foundation of my well being: tea. Especially green tea, full of poly-phenols,antioxidents and other good things. When I was only drinking this instead of coffee and black tea as well, I did indeed feel better. Digression is not always a bad thing. Or is that regression? :-)

                                                 In addition to the above noted changes, I shall also be drastically reducing my gluten and bread intakes as well as sugars. Natural sugars are exempted as I love fruit and it is so very healthy for me. A lot more trips to markets and places like this:

                                                This dietary change is going to be tough for the first week but I assure myself and others that it is necessary and a very positive thing. Getting back to my meditation, green tea, simple life and mindfulness is THE proven way for me. Now to get started with a BIG cup of green tea.

Diagnosis and the future.

         When I was sixteen years old, i went to the doctor for diagnosis of a pain in my stomach that turned out to be an ulcer. Yes indeed, they happen in teenagers too. At the same time we talked about my joints and how they always hurt and caused me discomfort. I was active and thought perhaps this was simply part of the growing my body was still doing. No, they said I had juvenile rheumatoid arthritis and to watch it carefully. Well, we forgot about it due to the ulcer really being the major issue of that time. Still, I had pain often for the next ten to fifteen years, with my joints being affected a few times a month. Then it steadily got worse with the occurances four to six times a month. Again, I simply chalked this up to life's aches and pains.

         As I have aged, it has become worse. Last year was a very busy year and I had a tough time with it, affecting my work as well as my running. I turned forty seven in November of last year and have noticed a sharp increase in the pain of all my joints. Without insurance the last three years, it was not going to be something I could have looked at unless rich or with coverage. This year though I was able to secure health insurance for us and made an appointment. After a good physical and clean bill of health for the overall James, I went to the Dr to see about a proper adult diagnosis of my arthritis. Was it rheumatoid or something else? After X-rays, blood tests and a meeting with the rheumatoid doctor, it now has been diagnosed as Psoriatic arthritis. A thirty year long bout.

         Which joints are affected. All listed above. Some days are OK with little pain and some days...excruciating. Men are not supposed to cry right? Well I do and that is on bad days. The arthritis will only get worse and can really end up with crippling hands and joints as I age. Some days my hands are a mess and I cannot grip very well and I fear for the future of my writing and other activities.

              I rate with five joints or more and it is not super common. My rheumatologist really helped me with what I can do,etc. Prefer NO meds as the side effects and liver issues make them something i do NOT want. There are some other options such as low grade and mild pain killers and THC that is now legal and available. Might have to try it on those really bad days. For now, I shall run through the pain if i can till I find something that works. Until I get a handle on it, I shall be careful not to eat things that exacerbate it nor use the hands and joints to perform tasks that make it tough to move the next day. Inflammation really is an issue here and the hand,toes and ankles/knees are the worst. Day by day is my motto and I shall continue to run until I no longer can.

      Some people do not share their health problems and some do. I have never been afraid to do this as it can be not only therapeutic but amazing in how much one can learn from others as they travel the same path.  We all need to share what ails us to some degree in hopes that cures and options can be discussed. 

     So, now that the bad news has been released and dealt with, the good news, no BEST news, is that I'm not all that bad off and there are SO many others in worse condition. I have a lot to be thankful for and with the girls by my side in life, all is perfect!!!!

Facebook, Internet and flutes..oh my!!

                                 Last week I posted on Facebook the following:

                                                                               The last few months have seen my focus become a bit blurred. I spend WAY too much time online and chatting, surfing and not near enough with the things that really made me happier, like more running, classical music, poetry, meditation and the most essential...spending time with my family. Seems I have that that stupid phone with me ALL THE TIME. Well, time for a move backwards. I shall continue to be on Facebook and post but won't be near as much nor will I be as chatty as I was before. Also, I went through my FRIENDS list and have pared that down to those who really DO interact. This is a positive and very good move and one that is overdue. I will still get messages and such but my response times might be longer. On to positive and happy thoughts as well as more time away from this monster!! Love to all of you!! — feeling determined.

                                                                              So, now that some time has passed, what result can I see? Well, I certainly have dropped back on posts and very much so with chatting online. Granted, this is NOT EASY!!! When one is so used to a way of life and structure, when being surrounded by those I love and communicate with, when the day is busy and rich with activity...it is difficult to give it up in an instant. I knew that might happen but was determined to follow through. And I have. But, not as much as I wanted. It can be frustrating. Trying my hardest to not go online and to leave the phone alone. Yet, I am getting better. Most of the time I look like this:

                                                                         It is not due to online addiction to gaming nor to a need for porn (although I love that resource like any other person does). It is the communication factor. being able to be within reach of my loved ones. Of making sure the girls are all doing ok and that I can be at the ready to help if needed. But, I do also need my alone time and as a Myers-Briggs classified type of ESFJ (really close to ENFJ)  I want to be near others.  Tough line to ride is this. So, now that my goal has been set to stay away from the Facebook and internet, I can adjust accordingly. Some might think by looking at my posts that I have changed little. Well, perhaps they didn't realize how many posts a day I added.One thing I will NOT do is cease communication with friends and family. There are some who feel I have drifted away and won't talk for one reason or another. Not true. Time and schedule have really played a large role in not being as chatty as well. I'm trying to let those folks know that. Takes time but I shall get back to where I was. :-)

              That will change. A slower process, but it shall change. It is for the betterment of me.

                                                                          An update on my beard journey: It has now officially stopped until September 1st. No, I was not going to shave it again and then wish I hadn't . This time I seriously thought about things and realized that it was making non-existent something that I truly enjoyed: flute playing. Yes, it certainly did. I could not make sounds at ALL with my rim blown flutes. Whether shakuhachi nor native American flutes. Not being able to play these puts a serious damper on my music making. I cannot play the guitar, classical or electric, due to the hand and finger issues with arthritis and last years cat bites. So the flutes are my outlet. Add that running with the beard is NOT enjoyable and makes me overheat quickly. So, I decided to shave it. Again.
  Right after becoming super smooth faced, I went right to the flutes and played just as i had before. Embouchure was back!! Don't get me wrong...I adore the beard. But the flutes matter more. And now I get to look like I'm 10 years younger instead of a geezer about ready to retire.

                                                                           Now we are off to a meetup group to see some good friends and down a pint or two of superb ales. The day started with a run on the Portland waterfront with my friend ,Stephanie, and will end with seeing her and many others at a pub. Good times!!!

A step backwards...

  Life teaches us many valuable lessons along it's pathway. We learn things from our own missteps or from others around us, making them instead. Either way, it can be a very enlightening lesson or a downright nasty one. Mine have fallen into the middle of that somewhere. None of my lessons have been hurtful for the most part nor have they been something entirely experienced by my friends and family. The last few months of being overly busy and completely engrossed in life have made me reevaluate what I had before and how I lost it.  A simple word: priorities.

Since 2008, my life has been a series of positive change. In 2010, when I lost my job of 20+ years, it was a revelation!! Life changed for the better and I was able to reassign my priorities and to do some things I'd always wanted to emotionally, physically and philosophically. Things were simpler, easier to manage and in many ways, less stressful. Debt free, money in the bank and freedom from a religious and social pressure that had me under it's thumb for most of my life. Yes, the new James was here. No more of that dreaded future of destruction and negativity if I didn't conform. New thoughts, philosophies and structure have changed that. I was free. And in many ways, enlightened.

 

Life had now given me a second chance to be ME. MYSELF. To spend time with those I love and not in a pursuit of material things but of a life filled with wonder at every moment, breath and thought. This was to make the years from 2010 to 2013 simply a delight.

Then....things started to change. This isn't to say that my world fell apart. Not at all. In fact, I'm still very happy and so thankful for all that I have and to be with those who love me. 

What changed???

THIS is what changed me....

 

Yes. The internet is what brought me to this point. Social media, surfing, videos, news, etc. Electronic overloads that preyed on my brain and time every day, all day. I took my device, a Samsung phone, EVERYWHERE. Seemed it was with me all the time. That fact is not a negative  nor detrimental thing at all. But having it ON and always typing or chatting on it is. I have noticed my positive attitude and happy personality start to to change over the last few months with a constant bombardment of signals and nonsense from all corners of the world, sent to the electronic bricks I own and was constantly using.

My time was limited to twenty four hours a day. I was spending half on the stupid computer,whether at home or in transit. Where did that afternoon go? What did you say darling? I missed that. Yep. I was seriously losing track of time AND the moments with those I love. It began to hit me a few days ago when I noticed my own less than positive comments and thoughts regarding some news items.

That is it. I now understand and know what has been eating away at my happy demeanor and making me less of the person I really and truly want to be. It takes effort to keep negativity at bay and cultivate love, understanding and mindfulness. Especially in this negative world. I need a recharge.

So what do I do about it? Just what I did before: limit myself and get back to the priorities that made me happy. The world was full of wonder and new things. Books to read, poems to write. Meditation and music that mad me whole and complete. Ideas and thoughts that stimulate the brain but also force me to look at every human and sentient being around me as something I can LOVE. Not hate. My joy with Buddhist philosophy and how to be always surrounded by kindness and love.

To spend some of my time with the books I so love! REAL paper and bindings,filled with the words and thoughts of those I admire and adore. Whitman, Millay, Teasdale, Dickinson, Frost and so many others. These are books I can hold dear. Not the electronic nonsense of the internet.

Not only poetry, but my favourite music of all: classical. This has been a passion of mine since age 15 and never has waned. Time to get back to this as well. Digesting Mahler, Bruckner, Beethoven, Copland, and so many others I cannot name them all. Add in my Welsh language studies and running...well I have plenty to keep me away from the computer and the internet.

                                                                                    Yet even though these are things that delight me and make me whole, I still could not do them without the love from my family and friends. These are the people I need to spend more time with. In limiting myself from the online and negative pursuits, I shall be able to do more of this as well. 

Therefore, I promise to keep myself limited to one hour a day online and to the same for television. Unless watching a film or something meaningful, when an hour won't complete it. This blog will now become something I have to keep up with and to post more often as well. It is online yes, but not the same when it comes to a time waster. 

Now that I have announced on Facebook and to the world of my intentions to be much less present online, time for sticktuitivity. No, it is not a real word but one culled from a film I admire. I felt it apropos to this blog post. No falling back on those bad habits and watching my positive attitude slip.

Friends and family will help me along for sure in this endeavor. Don't limit your dialogue with me please. I thrive on my love and friendships with you. They also make me who I really am. 

In closing, I'm curious how many really read this blog. It will be posted on Facebook too, as I won't be giving that social site up completely. If you REALLY did indeed read this, go to my Facebook post for this blog and as a comment type..." A step backwards can be enlightening".

Now, to be done with this for the evening and turn the computer off for tonight.

Good night and love to you all. <3