Changes needed!

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                                     Times are a changing! Life has been at such a high speed pace for the last, oh...thirty years, that it has caught up with me for sure. Over the last ten years, there have been many new and exciting changes in my life that have swerved me to a beautiful and amazing path. During this last decade,I have found myself at breakneck speed to experience all the things I didn't get to in the previous forty one. So many people to love, get to know, places to travel and jobs to do! Languages, music...life was calling me! And wow, have i ever been able to enjoy the last decade of these things! I'm in a very special part of life, that midway point, where I can truly enjoy the past memories while making new ones every day!

                                                                       
                                                                           But...
                               I'm exhausted. I'm tired and my body is not cooperating with me.

                             

Back when I was in my teens, I learned early how to work long hours, go to school and live on little sleep. To get up at 4am or 5am daily and maybe get 4 to 6 hours at most of sleep and rest. The after school , the foray into the workplace kept me at early mornings until late evenings. This changed rarely over the 20+ years of my career at the lumberyard and until even recently (the last 4 years), things still kept that speed. I have high adrenaline, hormones and a metabolism that seems to never slow down. Until now.


                                    Over the last year or so, my psoriatic arthritis has been slowly eating away at my joints and causing more and more pain. The meds for it have such horrid side effects that I will not take those. CBD vape does indeed help though honestly, a hot bath does as well and is a lot more enjoyable. Add to this the wear and tear on my body from normal daily activities and work...yeah, you get the picture. I NEED TO SLOW DOWN!! Heading to the Dr again soon for new X-rays on the left hip especially and the other joints too for new advice on the next course of action.



               

For so long I have always been there to help others do things and lighten their load, as that is my way. It is simply who I am. Whether in relationships, work, friendships or for those I don't know, I love to help! But, as one sweetie said..."You need to learn to say "No" sometimes".
To slow things down, to think of my own self and body and step back a bit from things and rest. Things have most certainly caught up with me at the age of fifty one and so some changes need to be made. I took out the pencil and paper (yes, I do still use those...all the time!)
and wrote things down that need to be addressed.




 Actions and tasks that can be eliminated, cut back on and rearranged so that my body and mind can rest and recharge. THIS...not an easy thing to do...at all! I have what we Buddhists call, "monkey mind", as in it is all over the place like a jumping monkey.Always working, calculating, thinking. The latter is a positive but even the mind needs rest as well as the body. Therefore, the following is where I will make the changes to my life...


Less of or eliminated:                                                                           Adding to daily routine:

Time on the Internet                                                                              Meditation
Time on devices                                                                                    More reading
Games, playing on phone.                                                                     Self care
TV, radio, news.                                                                                     classical music
Unnecessary driving.                                                                             Tea!
Alcohol                                                                                                  walking meditation
leave chat groups                                                                                   language study
                                                                                                               playing instruments
                                                                                                             

While it seems like the list at right is longer, those tasks are uplifting, positive and take a LOT less time than even the first four on the other list. Getting back to basics, indulging in self care and taking care of ME! it is not meant to seem all about me, but I DO need to take care of myself so I can be the best for others! This does not mean less time with my loved ones, but will make the time with them so much more meaningful as I will be energized and have a better mindset. They all know I'm doing this and agree with it 100%! That is why I am so lucky and fortunate to have them all in my life! <3

What I also need is daily reflection, contemplation and to slow down enough to smell the roses! To take pleasure ion all the minutae of this life I have a privilege of living. it has taken a long time to get here to this point of fifty one years and I want to enjoy the next fifty one even more!  Sure, I have blogged before about changes to my life and they have always been positive for the most part. But I have never been this tired and ready to affect physical and mental changes both. Therefore...today will be a start to a new effort for this and I hope to come back here in one month and report how things have gone!

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Autumn has arrived!

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      Wow, it has been quite awhile since the last blog post and I again have fallen down on keeping up with this! The summer was amazing and filled with so many adventures and experiences that I will never forget! From Pride week at Clark College to kayaking Lake Merwin to helping the Guerassio's move to Madras and resettle, almost every day was busy and filled with beautiful things! New people were added to my amazing circle of friends and partners, making me a very happy and content Seumas! The Summer of 2018 was simply outstanding! And...it was way too damned HOT!! Over 31 days of temps over 90 degrees, making it the warmest on record. That is a memory I do NOT like.

 Now that it is over and autumn has arrived, in reflection I can say it was not as bad as it could have been. Temps around the globe are higher than ever and this trend seems to be holding. Thank goodness for four seasons!!


       My usual passions of flute playing and practice are still moving along as are the language studies in Welsh and German. I'm up to 200 days straight on Duolingo and enjoying the lessons, with more of the languages sticking in this melon of mine. Running...slowed down considerably. The heat didn't help at all this summer and my joints just get considerably worse month after month. Hardly did any cycling either and hope to do a bit more this autumn and winter with the arrival of the cooler weather.
I have been running for ten years now and able to race at least once in each of those years, making me reflect on that decade very favourably!


      At Clark College, where I work, the new semester starts today and will be a busy one for thousands of students and staff. I have now been working there for ten months and am really enjoying the work, the people and the short shifts I have. It gives us a good paycheck to pay bills but also allows my photography company to continue to move along and focus (pardon the pun) on my art!
As autumn continues, I hope to produce some delightful images!


Here are a few from the summer that make me happy!

   

These are only a few from my summer shoots.
For more samples of my art and to schedule a shoot, follow the link below.


         Dragon Digital Photography


Now, onward to the upcoming autumn season!


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Deepest summer thoughts...

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                                                     As late July creeps to it's demise, the heat from that infernal orange orb keeps on with it's oppressiveness, burning a hole in my body. We stand at fifteen days over 90 degrees in July , a new record, and no end in sight for the heat. Well, it is after all, summer. So as I slowly trudge along during this least liked season on planet earth, I still have positive hopes for the cooler weather to arrive sooner and not end up an "Indian Summer".

                                                     This summer has been one of delightful surprises and beautiful
beginnings, with new souls and hearts entering into my circle of love! So many adventures have been started and new ones await! It has been a journey that is and continues to be one of amazing emotions, delights for the senses and education for the soul. Not one single day goes by without my
being mindful of the blessings I'm receiving now. The incredible partners I have by my side, the love that I'm shown by them and other lovely people and the willingness to allow me into their hearts and souls!

                                                     I'm fortunate to be surrounded by beautiful people in every aspect. My tribe, my circle...I love them!! And I cannot imagine life without them as part! Over the last four years especially, life has changed for me in ways that would overwhelm many. After my last poly relationship broke apart in 2014, I wondered where things would go. Within two months, they were on an incredible track to where I am currently, enjoying the BEST years of my life!! Yes, things have come full circle from those lost years as a JW and all of the life I was kept from living.

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                                                           This summer has also been a decent one for shooting the Nikon cameras. Granted, not much has come of it in a monetary way but the shots are making me happy for the most part. Here are a few I'm proud of...

I





I'm hoping for August to be a great month for                                    photos!!










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New journey as an empath...pros and cons.

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                                        For most of my life, feeling the energy and pain of other humans around me has been a negative and unwelcome part of me. I have had this since my earliest memories and while I blocked most of this from ages twelve to forty one (see my blog therapyviathisblog) , sometimes that energy would creep in to my soul and cause some real problems. These conflicts would make my 20's and thirties problematic as far as emotions and sensitivity are concerned. I simply did not know at all what these feelings were called or that others felt the same way. Until I met Dena, in January of 2015. That, is when my world changed in so many ways. For me that meant learning of her gifts as a  light worker and intuitive were part of her and as a Reiki master, that she could easily perceive and feel many things. I was and am still in we of her gifts in this regard and have learned many things about this, but NOT in regards to my own power. This has really only happened over the last six months or so, in a HUGE way!

                                         The term "empath" has always been a mystery to me and all those many years of feeling energy and emotions, of taking these on in myself, in being extremely sensitive to others...this was being empathetic. The description and definition is this:

I knew I had this "gift/curse" after reading up on all the aspects and how they related to me, my own feelings and the everyday struggles to deal with it. So, I let that all drift away and tried to just forget about it and move on with life, not letting others and their drama, circus atmosphere wreck or affect my own life. This is not easy and still is not. Nor, I believe, will be as long as I keep being ignorant of what to do.

So I took a few tests, inquired and asked questions from those who know, especially Dena. One test came out with this as the defining result:


"Your Super Serious Title is: The Atlas Empath (Planetary Healer)
Your Total Score: 71 out of 80 Your Out of Control Healer Score: 9 out of 10 Your Protection Tools Score: 19 out of 25 How Much You Mirror Others Unconsciously Score: 15 out of 15 Your Appreciation for Nature Score: 10 out of 10 You scored extremely high on the overall results. You are definitely an empath. You are pretty intuitive and can usually tell when people are lying. You may want to look into getting energy work and healing done on your second chakra. Usually people that need to be around water all the time have blocks in their second chakras. You love nature and unconsciously understand its healing effects -- which is a general, but strong indicator that you are an empath. You have a deep love and appreciation for nature. You recognize the sacred expression of all beings. You are truly wise. But you have a gift for influencing the moods, energies, atmospheres, and environments around you. You need to learn how to recognize and differentiate other people's energy from yours. Learning psychic/empathic meditation tools will help. You scored the worst on the "Mirroring Others Unconsciously" portion of the quiz. It looks like you have a tendency to mirror other people and their energy. This means that you give up your energetic seniority at the whim of the world's changing winds (in other words: other people are able to control or influence you too much on an energy level). You would benefit from learning to control your crown chakra and probably cord removal or healing work. Wow, being around the wrong type of people definitely stresses you out. You should be more cautious about who you let into your personal space and life. You are so caring and loving that you put others before yourself -- to your detriment. You are most likely an out of control healer. You would benefit from energy work and empath tools for releasing guilt and responsibility.       

                                                                   Empath Test
 I took a few others and the results are all the same, and I hope to take a more detailed test later.
But seeing what the results are, broken down into EVERY emotion and detail I feel...this was as if lightning had struck my soul. As if the description fit me to a T. It is actually a bit scary, to be honest. This can be a gift or a curse for sure, depending on how one uses it, lets it affect them and how it permeates the soul and consciousness. My first reaction was "Damn, ugh...a frown". Second reaction was a smile in that I had finally come to a place that my heart and soul could embrace without feeling anxious and stressed. I have enough of that from the energy of others and do NOT need more. I knew I had a lot of work to do, lots of study, and that I needed help from others in the same field. But till then, these lessons below are something I need to adjust to and tackle:

   Dena has been telling me this for years now and I try my best to follow such things. it is not her fault that I'm stubborn and hard headed. Actually, it is difficult for some empaths to deal with these things as we are all still imperfect humans.  But these same things Dena has been encouraging are even more evident now. Life is changing for me and my path, my journey...is veering again. Not sure where this will take me or the people I will meet, experiences I will find nor the places I will visit. But I know that something has to be done or the energy and feelings will eat me alive, in a negative way. So...Seumas now has some work to do and a LOT to learn. With the help of my partners, my tribe and those not even known yet, I hope to use my gifts in a  positive way and help others!!! <3

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The summer of 2018 is here!

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                 This year has been an interesting one for sure. A lot of small adventures, a few big ones...and little to show in the artistic sense. My photographic journey continues but not in the direction I want. Sure, I have snapped some decent shots and almost had one published in a collegiate journal (almost as in they didn't have enough space...oh well), yet I NEED to get my ass outside and exploring more often. Hiking, landscapes and flora, fauna, people!! SO much out there to discover but I seem to be trapped at home and in town a little more than I should be.

                          Therefore, my goal this summer is to shoot, shoot, shoot and process!!

   Whether a morning sunrise or a sunset, a street scene in Portland or Seattle, perhaps a different city.
Maybe get up to the mountains and hike, discovering more out there. And then the beach is always an hour away. I live in an area rich with everything so that makes it so easy in theory. Work does present a minor issue in that it is right in the middle of the day. But my mornings are usually clear so this should make it accessible.

     There are a lot of photo contests I want to enter and also some possible photo shoots ahead for friends. It is all in getting out there, nailing down the shots and the best part...

 


                          ENJOYING IT ALL!!













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Why do you wear a kilt? Here is why...

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                                                         Spring has arrived and so has a bit better weather. Over the last few months I admit to not wearing my kilt as often as I used to. Wet and cold conditions are not good for a kilt and wool as well as acrylic does not smell good when wet. Just get a whiff of your dog after it stays outside awhile! So during the winter I tend to wear trousers more often, especially at work.

However, the rest of the year provides more opportunities to wear them and now that spring is here, weather is warming up and less wet...I'm donning kilts more often. As I wore my kilt at work for the first time last week (a college campus), one person asked me why I did it. Why do you wear a kilt here in America? And while I could take offense at someone asking such a question, it really is a legitimate one and deserves an answer. So....here is my response!

Heritage! Pride in my heritage and ancestry that hails from Scotland. My family lived, fought and died there for many generations and that is something strong within me as a human. No, I was not born there but since when is that a prerequisite for wearing a kilt, or for anyone of celebrating their heritage no matter where they or their family hail from? It isn't, plain and simple.



At this moment I can count many hundreds of family members in my tree from Scotland and within that, various clans as well. This is what made my family what it is, on both my paternal and maternal sides. Having it on both sides means even more to me, more of that blood!




So heritage is one reason I wear the kilt. The second would be it's comfort. They are very enjoyable to wear and extremely comfortable, especially in the heat. Pants are so confining and can be simply suffocating to my legs. Some fellas call them "leg prisons"! Maybe this is why the trend to "relaxed fit" has been so popular in that the legs have room to move a bit. Well, in a kilt they ALWAYS have plenty of room and one never has to worry about busting a seam or stitch when bending down or over. Sure, one needs to remember a bit of discretion when doing so with others around. Unfortunately we live in a society that has a major issue with seeing the human body in any form of undress and kilts, skirts, dresses are usually worn with that in mind. Watch the exposure!

I have nice legs, I am unashamed to say that. As a runner,cyclist and long distance walker, I have worked hard on them and enjoy showing not only them but the ink I have .So while the quote at left is really meant to be funny, there is a wee element of truth to that. Show off the legs we have! We do it all the time in shorts, bathing trunks. But a kilt has not fabric between the legs thus making it a lot easier to move and even run! After all, the Scots had to wear them while running after those retreating British troops!!





       When wearing a kilt, people are just going to stare. No matter where one goes, they will always attract attention, sometimes unwanted but most of the time, neutral or positive. And while kilts, skirts and longer gowns of all sorts are worn round the globe by men, depending on location and culture, America has this problem with other forms of clothing that do not conform to theirs. As if they are scared. Some of it is a fear of the unknown reasons , some is homophobic (unfortunately, this is true) and others just think it odd to NOT be wearing blue jeans, which are the #1 style worn by Americans.

       A quote I have always appreciated was by Dwight Eisenhower...


Now, granted, the kilt is NOT a uniform for the most part, though troops from Scotland did indeed wear them as part of their uniform in both world wars and before that for a few hundred years.But the sentiment is indeed similar in that when you put on a kilt, you accept that certain inhibitions will occur, and take the gamble, the risk of  others saying things, asking things. Some questions will boggle your mind and would NEVER be asked of a woman or other men in trousers for that matter. Yes, it can be uncomfortable when confronted with these and sometimes downright embarrassing.  But after a few weeks and experiences, these fade and it gets a lot easier. I'm always gracious (well, try to be) and take the time to educate others on kilts, the history and my heritage. Most are gracious but occasionally rude and ignorant pople turn up to say something derogatory. Fortunately, it is not very often. The always present "What are you wearing under your kilt?" is almost always the first one. Well, I have many ways of answering depending on whom is asking and how. One shouldn't just ask that as it is still a bit rude no matter whether it is a woman asking a man in a kilt of the vice versa, which would be horribly invasive and wrong . Not sure why Americans think it is ok to ask a man in a kilt that, but perhaps the lore and legend of it gets their curiosity going. Either way, I deal with it in a kind and calm manner. Usually.


As a side point also...a kilt simply looks great!! All the colours, tartans, accessories!! Yes, men get to accessorize as well!! :-P  Kilts look fashionable to many as well.


                                 Lastly, a huge reason I prefer to wear my kilts out in public...

So many people want to be like someone else, to wear their clothes, to be like them. And I do indeed understand the reasons, which sociologists know well...so they blend in, don't attract attention. Well, for me , I followed that reasoning for many decades and decided in 2012 to start dressing how I wanted to, in the form and manner I felt proud of, comfortable in and that spoke to me. A kilt is one part that does it!! Sure, i wear jeans and trousers when i need to , for certain occasions and love to wear running gear during really hot weather. A kilt is not always the best in all situations. but, it serves me well in a LOT of them and I shall continue to do so until...I decide not to! :-P

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Stepping back...adjust..focus.

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                                                          Last week I blogged about the things that I are currently on my plate as far as research goes. Between Ancestry and German language lessons, the post made it seem like those were the only subjects and activities I'm involved in. Far from accurate, big time. There are so many interests I have that consume my time and honestly, something has to give. I'm spending WAY TOO MUCH TIME every day on my devices, my phone. And where is it getting me? Sure, I enjoy them. The Ancestry and German lessons are fun and I learn new things daily, both being of great advantage to me, especially the genealogy. Sandwiched in between those two daily activities, I also indulge in occasional Pokemon Go, watching Netflix, enjoying various sites dealing with human sexuality and sociology, photography and some purely stupid fluff that does me no good.




























  Why???!! Why am I spending so much of my time on all of these brain numbing activities? The graphic above is what happens every sixty seconds online. Granted, this is a bit older and there are many sites not listed on this. I'm part of these statistics and you know...I'm tired. I have been SO involved in my daily routine that important things have taken a back seat in this vehicle called life.

Not just a back seat, but if my life were a truck, those previously important and calming activities that balanced me are on the back bumper now!!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

                                Ugh. :-(




                          Now, what daily and life activities were making me so balanced and happy? What activities kept me positive and healthy, happy and less stressed? A few of these I still do daily, such as my chores at home (yes, I actually enjoy doing dishes, cleaning,etc) visiting with friends and going out to shoot photos. What activities am I NOT doing that need to come back:

* Meditation. This is so necessary and I hate to admit I have been out of practice for a year. :-(

* Shakuhachi. My playing and practice is not only part of meditation but essential for centering .

* Tea. especially my green tea , which I love so much. It has gone missing for the most part.

* Mindfulness. Yes, I still practice it but a LOT less than before and that has made me more irritable.

* Buddhist philosophy and it's history. I miss it. Dearly.

* Classical music. One of my first loves, that has been a stronghold for me. With 5000+ CD's...yeah.

* Running, walking and cycling. These are a form of meditation and I NEED to get back to them!

* Reading BOOKS!! Real books. Not spending time on electronic devices.

So...there they are. I need to get back these and starting today, will be online a LOT less, on Facebook a LOT less and delving back in to the above listed. There are also a few health related changes I will be starting today....

* No alcohol. Done for awhile. Not sure how long but I NEED a break and will do my best.

* No coffee. While I love it and it's caffeine, it is tearing my tummy up. So tea it is.

* Less cheese and fatty foods. Carbs as well. NOT an easy thing for me but again...will try.

* Fewer sweets.

                       These are things that will help me lose weight and feel better for sure.


                                                                  Wish me luck!

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