The path we all choose: leaving the past behind and losing my religion...on purpose.

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                                                    We all have some sort of path we travel in life, whether it is a spiritual, religious, secularist or totally random and nonconformist one. At least this is what I believe from my years on this beautiful rock in space. Some choose to just float by in their daily lives like logs in the river, letting the current take them wherever the flow seems to be going. Or they let external sources of movement, whether social, political or religious make their moves for them.
I used to be like this from the age of seven until forty one. During these many years in between I DID want to change things in my life and move in a different direction, but those same forces I wanted to leave behind were powerful in their magnetic pull. And unfortunately, many years were devoted to the pain of unhappiness and towing the line for a belief I really had no "faith" in. So, it was time to change. This was done in 2008 and the best move I have ever made in my life.

That tumultuous year in which losing my father was a major event, the losing of my religion also occurred. Yeah, now you are probably singing the REM song in your head and yelling at me for the ear worm. Sorry. :-)  But, it was a fact. After being on the inside of something I did NOT want to be part of for such a long time, breaking free to become MYSELF was of paramount importance , with the resulting happiness soon to follow.
No, it was not all religion, but mainly the organized variety.


                                                                 You know, the same one that dictates whatever you do MUST be within these parameters and confines, or you will have many bad things happen to you. Depending on the belief you could be shunned, go to hell, be killed for some offense you did or just not make that deity happy, thereby forcing immediate guilt on soul,mind and heart. Getting over such things like these is NOT easy and can haunt people for many years after leaving whatever system they came from. Yet, right after making this decision to do so, an intense wave of relief and calm washed over me and my entire being. Now, to actually DO it. This was done swiftly and without regret, informing the world that such a decision was a long time in coming and that happiness was now part of me. And it truly was!

                                                                   I was embarking on a new path, a road of exploration and study into my own soul, heart and mind. Where would it take me, what could be learned that didn't put me back two steps into a similar life and condition.  No way another organized religion would steal my soul. That left me with a spiritual open mind and one that pointed in a few directions. Most of those didn't offer me any answers nor a glimpse of much happiness, usually due to yet another devotion to a deity. What I wanted and needed was to get to know MYSELF. The me that had so long been controlled by others. Coming out in 2008 as bisexual also was a consideration as the new path and spiritual journey would simply have to accept the person I was born as and had become. Often we are prisoners in our own minds and mine was no exception.

This led me to study, research and investigate Buddhist philosophy more and more. No, not really the religious aspect and it's many sects. But the ideas and thoughts behind why it works so well for millions of people. Why it seems to set so many free from shackles of worrying about the future and whether we shall live or die in another life due to conforming to other human beliefs. Imperfect humans, just like myself. The thought of non violence, mindfulness, peace, happiness, simplicity and thinking with my heart and soul, not reacting with my emotions....all sounded very fine indeed. So that is the path I chose.
My focus was more towards the Zen Buddhist philosophies and meditation as well as mindfulness.And it also was a bonus that my shakuhachi studies also played a role in making me a calmer and more peaceable person. Yeah, I still have occasional lapses back to the pre-2008 James. No, he was not a bad guy and had some admirable traits.  But the James NOW was a much happier man and life had indeed changed considerably. Love meant more to me now than ever before, in a physical, emotional, mental and heightened awareness I had never experienced.

                                                                            No, we don't always pick the right path and have to veer or change it later on to survive or be happy. So far, this journey has been a delightful one that has made me profoundly happy and changed me as a human, a man and a sentient being. Will I change again in the future? Who knows. Not a soul on this planet knows the future and they are fooling themselves when they say "never". But, I will say this: the path I'm taking right now is an incredible and joyful one. I have wonderful people in my life whom I love with every fiber of my being and who support me as ME. Who don't judge me for whom I love, what I believe nor for what I DON'T believe. These are the lovelies I surround myself with and will continue to do so. As I travel this path with said beautiful people, some will accompany me and others will not. This is life.
Life it to the fullest, love everyone to the best of your abilities and don't have regrets. Be happy and love others, giving their lives that same happiness or it will all really be a waste of time.

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