Published!!! (Repost from Facebook)

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                                                       **  Reposted from Facebook**
                          
                                                                  Some further good news: I'm being published!! It has been awhile in getting there but this new and very needed volume is being released and I'm happy to be part of it. In the past I have been nervous or reluctant about posting bisexual or certain LGBT related things here. Well, no longer. I'm not letting others' problems with my orientation affect me nor change me. Now the world knows with this publication. For those who have known and not judged, many thanks for your support. What a grand day!!! ‪#‎RecognizeBiMen‬ 

                                                    Recognize : The Voices of Bisexual Men

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Balancing the mind and heart.

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                          Something has been missing over the last three or so months.
Life in general has been a delight and I cannot and should not complain. But, there are some dynamics that have been missing and that need to be addressed. They pertain to balance. You know, that soul searching and meditative balance that we all have and need. The balance that keeps our tempers from overflowing, our words in check and from embarrassing us at most times of the day. It also motivates us to love and remember that we should not be so lopsided. Well...mine has disappeared. I had it...for awhile. And I KNOW what I was doing to get there and maintain it.

                                                                    Fortunately, I have been able to mix and maintain the above listed aspects in my life. My career was over back in 2010 and I don't want to work full time again. My debts are zero now after working hard to pay them off. Life is simple for us and keeping it that way makes life a much happier activity. So why unbalanced? What did I STOP doing ?

                                                              I let life and the world around me unbalance me. Let it push me back to where I was pre-2008, when life changed for me forever. When I started to meditate and look to other forms of wisdom, ideas and non-confining rules from imperfect men who want to control me. This was when life started to balance out. Mindfulness, awareness and seeing others as fellow humans that I could LOVE, not to judge them as I was taught. No, I was not educated to judge them, but I WAS told I was special as I was among a chosen belief and that they would all perish and I would not. Ugh. I would have none of that any longer. I left. best move I have ever made.
      

 I washed away those years of unhappiness and became balanced right away. A huge weight was lifted and I began to really see where I had gone wrong.


I started to study more about human compassion, about love and psychology, about the way we interact and live with others. And I learned a LOT.




  Then, life started to crowd out those balancing tools. I had veered from the path of mindfulness and non-aggression. It reminded me of this...

“An old monk who’d spent twenty years in Chinese prisons in Tibet came to see the Dalai Lama in India. During the conversation, the Dalai Lama asked him if he’d been afraid during his long imprisonment, which had been interspersed with torture and brainwashing. The monk replied, ‘My greatest fear was to lose my love and compassion toward those who were torturing me.’”

                                                                     THIS...THIS was a story that touched me. The man above was not that same monk but the compassion that this fellow sentient being is receiving is something we should ALL have for one another.  This was part of my balance. I had learned to love others better, to behave with more compassion and kindness. Alas, I was losing this in my day to day life as I had ceased practicing daily meditation and inward examination of the heart and mind. Concentrating way too much on other things, hobbies, electronic devices and getting from point A to point B. Fortunately, the loves of my life, the sweethearts I adore more than anything, showed me I was not the same from a few months previous. I had known of a problem and of something missing, but was blind to some of it. I needed something to stir my heart again, to budge me back towards that light, and this evening, on 20 September,2014, a small sign that I was on the right path, occurred.

I'm not one to look for signs or omens in life. But tonight was interesting. At a used book store, I saw a book I had wanted to read for ages by Jack Kornfield, a leading Buddhist author. I have some of his other books and audio works, all remarkable. So, I buy the book for $3.99 and head out.
What happens when I open the book...a $20 bill falls out. It had been left in the book by the previous owner, apparently in 2010 as that was when it was purchased in Colorado.Therefore, I MUST READ THIS BOOK NOW! Never had such a thing happened to me. Coincidence? Possibly. But...why not

a sign that I need to balance myself once again. Why not see it as a positive other than the money.

 

 This was something I was going to use as a pointer towards getting back that compassion and balance. 

3and that money...will be used to further my balancing. What that may be, I don't know. It is a special bill and will be kept for that right moment when I feel a pull in the right direction, whether as a donation to a homeless individual or whatever calls out.

So, from here today forward, it is going to be my goal. Get that back. Be calmer, less negative, more mindful and loving to those around me.

I give thanks to all who have noticed these changes and told me. Who are not afraid to confide in me and point them out.

With that, I now turn back to the past in order to prepare for the present and future. :-)

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When to admit it: change is needed.

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                                                                       There are times in our lives when both age and experience come together to demand that decisions be made. Now, this is not going to be a "woe is me, I'm getting older" post nor is it an "I refuse to grow old and will always be young" blog either. Perhaps somewhere in between. As life catches up to me, I'm finding where I fit in to life here on this planet and how I can manage the events that happen as I journey on this road.

 First off, there is this quote at the right. Nice sentiment and a very positive one. But, not always realistic. Can I really "forget" my age and do what I want? Sometimes. But then when all seems to be going well, that aging process taps me on the shoulder and reminds me that NOBODY gets younger. Really? Sad to say, this is so very true.

   And I'm no exception.



                                                                         So over the last year I have watched my health change. As noted in past posts, my arthritis and sciatica come and go, making running and even walking tough some days. Although the last month has been rather good in those terms and I have had less of that. Then, during August other things started to happen. My eyesight, while really good with distance, started to show signs of problems when reading. Ugh. That means....reading glasses. So that made an education in glasses necessary. What was next. My body has started to reject many milk products that I have been eating for most of my life. Yep. Lactose intolerance.

 As of now, I stay completely away from milk, sour cream, half and half and liquid milk products. What I CAN still consume, is cheese and low fat ice cream as well as other more solid milk products. This is a learning curve that is easy enough,. If I feel like hell after eating it, I note what it is and move to alternatives. So far, I find almond milk to by far be the best alternative for when I want cereal or as an additive.


         Oh what fun this is going to be !!!!!!!!!So, what am I admitting? I'm getting OLDER. Not old.



On a much brighter note, and one that makes me     very happy... >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

   As for goals? My goals in the self education aspect are to continue my Welsh in some form and to get MUCH better at my German. I'm going to make a confession here now...my Welsh studies and learning have simply NOT been going too well. After much searching, reading and trying to understand WHY my brain is not able to remember or retain the Welsh language, I've been led to believe some of it is simply that I'm not wired for that language. I have tried so very hard to adapt my brain and mind to learning it yet it is not sticking!!!!! Seems that tone,sounds and frequency are factors for some in learning a particular language. Not sure how this pertains to me, but after eight months of Welsh, I'm not able to retain 50% of what I have learned, even after listening to the same lessons over and over more than twenty times each. Sure, I remember some. But they simply are not sinking in. I also blame part of this on the very small amount of use in speaking and using it. Now, pick the other language that has been part of my life a long time, German, and I soar well through those skies. Even many years after taking courses, I can read a lot more of it than I ever expected, even though I didn't study those particular words years ago. There are a lot of similarities between English and German, so that could be it as well as the tone and lower register in that tongue. I simply do not know. But my brain does so much better with German. So....I have now started a refresher course from Houghton Mifflin and Dollenmayer/Hansen. This course will get me to a completed first year German college level. And I'm going to give it a shot. See if the brain absorbs or if my days of learning languages is truly over.
So that's it. Welsh is taking a back seat for a little while as I tackle German. Wish me luck.
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Language dilemma! Welsh or German?

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                                  Languages are a challenge! Yes, they truly are. For me, languages have always been a window to another culture and society. Sometimes they are more than that, like a portal to the past or an opportunity to progress in the future. Every way I viewed it, there was something valuable in learning them, even if only enough of the basics that could help me understand whichever beautiful culture I wanted to investigate. There have been many attempts at various tongues but unfortunately none have ever been progressed to the point of fluency. Except English, of course. What a pity.

              The first language I had decided on in high school was German.We had the usual to choose from back in 1981, which were German,Spanish and French. That was it.
None were especially useful for trade and business where I was living then so the choice was made by my love of which culture interested me the most. I chose German, not knowing that it was the language of my ancestors in Switzerland and lower Germany. I would learn that some fifteen years later when tackling the family tree. So I began Deutsch in high school in my sophomore year, studying rather lightly and not really applying myself too well. But...I did learn some things, spending time in the library with books. These were the days before the computers would make an entrance years later. Ah yes, the library. Where I could spend hours if I so desired. And I did.

                                                            Again, unfortunately, I didn't spend it learning as much German as I should have. My mind wandered, as it still does. Buddhists call it "monkey mind" as it wanders about all over the place and never really settles down. This has never gone away for me, hanging on till this, my forty seventh year of life. Still, there were glimmers of hope and retention in those sessions in class and at the library. I took German for two years and used it a little in my senior year as I tackled classical music and the scores of Mahler and others who composed in that language.
It faded a little till I tackled it on and off for the next decade, slowly remembering some words, forgetting more than I should have. During those years from 1984 to 2005, in addition to German, other tongues that were studied included French, Hebrew, Japanese, Italian, Czech, Hungarian and Russian, which I was rather successful at for a short time. Yet German still called back to me every few years and I would again get out the books and dictionary, studying where I had left off or starting over again. The last time I went back to it was two years ago, when I was thinking of really hitting the books and computer hard. Now that the computer, Internet, CD's and videos were available, I thought I'd get better at it. Then life caught up with me, "monkey mind" reappeared and everything went to hell. ***********************Ugh.********************Again.******************

                                                                So, work, family, running and other activities took over as the languages faded away for the umpteenth time.Then in 2012, I started to research my family tree and learn more of that genealogy. I had known of the Swiss and Germanic branches as well as the English side. But then came the Scottish and Welsh branches, creating an interest in those Celtic ancestors as well as their native languages. I was thrilled to add these cultures and ancestors to my list of interests and started to study them. Scottish Gaelic was the first that I wanted to try. But admittedly that language was not well used by a large number of speakers, even in Scotland. So I decided that my
efforts would be better served with Welsh, as it had large number of speakers and some great sources for learning. Add my attraction to this Celtic language and in making it part of my own heritage, well I was ready to go for it. I started in January of this year , progressing, albeit slowly. After eight months of weak but consistent study, I'm at a point where I had hoped I could really carry on a decent conversation.

  No, not like this at right, in order to be able to order a pint of beer. but a real chat with someone else in Cymraeg, or Welsh. No, I'm still not to that point. What is my problem??

   Was it that damned "monkey" again?? Could be some of it, sure. One thing was for certain: I was not retaining the words near as well as when I was a younger lad. The ol' grey matter between the ears was simply not as good at learning a new language. Then today I went to a Goodwill store near my place and discovered a book I'd donated last year and completely forgotten about. It was Deutsche Heute, a text book for German students. Not sure why I donated it, but here it was, staring at me. I thumbed through it and was amazed at how much of this book I could read and understand. Dumbfounded was more like it. Why could I read so much of this book yet struggle with Welsh?
Was it due to the years of on and off study in German? Ok, yes, that contributed. That German was MUCH closer to English than Welsh could ever hope to be. Yes, for sure. That many words are shared in both English and German. Absolutely! So, therefore....

What do I do? Seriously, what is my next course of action? Well, one thing is for certain: I will NOT give up my Welsh studies. That is for sure. One thing that keeps me going with them is the delight in learning something new and that is part of ME and my family heritage. One cannot learn a language overnight. Once a student gets over that hurdle, he or she can simply take their time with no pressure.

                                                                Now, though, I have re-discovered something that I DO understand and am not too bad at. And that is German. Do I start that up again, continuing my studies in that language? Or concentrate only on Welsh, a tongue that I'm admittedly having a difficult time with? The hardest part is admitting it and accepting something when one does not want to do so. To some of us, it constitutes failure and makes us hardheaded. Yep, that is me. I admit it.

What about both? Can this hard headed and stubborn , middle aged runner really study them both? Or will monkey mind arrive again to distract me, making me feel like I'm a teenager in school, not ready for much of anything. Can I fit them BOTH in to my daily routine???

THIS is the dilemma. THIS is what I now face.


Over the next few days I will tackle this question with as much insight as I can. Any help from my German and Welsh speaking pals will prove useful. My Welsh speakers group will most certainly want me to maintain the studies in Cymraeg and my German pals will push for starting up again.
Have any of you reading this blog post ever learned two languages at the same time, and how did you manage? Was it easy for you? How often did you study?

                                             Please, leave comments here or on Facebook.
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September is here! Or is that Septembeard...?

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                                                        September is finally here!!! And to me that signifies the beginning of my favourite season. Well, officially it is still summer for two more weeks but when this date arrives, I tend to equate it with Autumn and the start of the best time of the year. That's when I dream of scenes like the one below: browns,golds, yellows and reds, the falling leaves of autumn.

                              It also means that I have started to grow my beard. There are now two reasons for doing this: first is to raise funds and awareness for prostate cancer research through Septembeard. I posted about this last time and do so again as the beard started to grow right after shaving yesterday morning. I will post a photo to the site every five days after the one I sent in this morning. That way people can see the progress and make donations if they so desire. So far $135 has been raised and thanks go out to Liberty, Christina, Amy, Darren, Alis, Ann and Danielle for their donations to this cause.  Septembeard
  The second reason I grow it: I CAN!! Now, I have nobody or any organization telling me I cannot grow it. That is reason enough as well as the fact that I like beards. Simple enough. :-{)}}}}

                                                                       This will be a short blog post but one additional note concerns last Wednesday's injury to my right foot. I rolled it slightly and bruised my big toe metacarpal joint. Have taken four days off and intend on running today in hopes it has healed up.
Three weeks to go till I run two races and I want to be healthy.

                                             Have a great Monday/Labour Day everyone!!!!
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What can I do to help? Grow a beard???

                                                                      Over the last few months we've seen a plethora of posts and news stories about the Ice Bucket Challenge and giving for ALS research. Locally, we have runners and others taking up causes for everything from breast cancer research to leukemia and other diseases. For myself, I have tried in the past to raise funds for a few groups I feel strongly about. One is to find a cure for prostate cancer. It is another silent killer and needs to be eradicated. Sure, it is something only men deal with. But ALL of us are affected by it. So we need a cure as well.

                                                                      Last September I had decided to grow a beard for a month in September, to raise funds and awareness for prostate cancer research. The organization I chose was called Septembeard. Men grow beards for the month and the funds raised go to individually selected hospitals and research centers that the one donating picks. I have checked out their past, the totals that go to the centers and this is a legitimate charity group. Sure, many won't donate unless they know where their money goes. I understand that for sure. If you'd like to donate while I grow the beard, it would be helping out for sure. If not, that is fine as well.We only made $25 last year but that helped.

There is NEVER any pressure to donate or to even acknowledge the posts on my blog or the Facebook link that follows the post. And I shall never individually solicit any finds from ANYONE.

but, why not at least take a few seconds and look it over ,if you can, and read about it and at least give it some thought. no matter how small the donation one makes, every bit helps.

I'll make this post short and to the point. Donate if you can and as the month progresses,I shall post totals as well as photos of the beard under construction.

My team will be known as Vancouver USA Bearded runner.   Team #2886  Vancouver USA Bearded Runner.  If anyone joins me, I shall add an "S" to it and make this a real team.

Looking forward to growing out the whiskers starting next Monday, 1st September!!  Come join me and grow or donate to help us all!!

Smiling runners??

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                                                                    Yes!! And no. Both are possible and over the last few years, I have been making mental notes as to what my eyes have witnessed over the last year of running, whether at races or the daily routes I take. And the first thing I look for when I see another runner, other than to check if I know them, is whether they are SMILING. :-)  Yep, I really do look for smiles. It is what makes me happy!

                  There are times when a runner is really happy to be out and imbibing in the elixir of life and enjoying those endorphins. What a grand thing to experience!!!!

             
                  Really? Do we ALL look like that fella there to the right? Um....no. We don't. Not that we don't have our moments of painful runners face or that "I can't wait to get home to the bathroom" look. We most certainly can admit to at least one of those. No, we don't always smile. Not at work, the supermarket or the doctor's office.

 


                 
But most of the time I see smiles on my fellow runners!!  It is something that makes people happy. I mean seriously, look at these folks after having run quite a few miles of the last race I attended. Are these stolid and unhappy looks from runners who were forced to race?? I don't think so! Happy faces, smiles. I LOVE smiles!

They are really having a good time and show it. The few times I have attended racing events that seem to be more thematic or obstacle course style, the participants don't smile near as much. Is it the toughness of the course or event? Are they having "fun" or having FUN!!!!! I cannot judge that nor will I assume anything. But the evidence of smiles does seem to be something to consider. Granted, after a full marathon or Spartacus race, some will NOT be smiling. These are tough events that wear a person down. But still, many love them and are smiling!

                                                  What about your average runner on the street? What do you encounter when you run past another? Do you wave and smile? Or keep your head down low, not wanting to make eye contact for some reason. And when you DO make that contact, are they smiling?  Well???

OK, if they are across the street it can be tough to see if they are smiling.  So, do you wave when you pass them by, or signal to them? Perhaps if they are closer, what about a "Good Morning" or "Good (whatever time of day)"?? That can make all the difference in the world to us as runners. It really can set the tone for the rest of the day or night if we are greeted by another fellow runner, enjoying the same activity. We are on the same wavelength and know what the other is going through when out on the road, injured or not.

                                                    And when we are in a great mood, that can translate to the smile.
That wonderful, delightful and superb way of communicating joy that we are having a good time and feeling the same way!!! Is that infectious? Absolutely!!! Any who agree, raise your hand. Or both!!!

                                                    We might even be so bold as to be close enough to the other runner to indulge in a well known human bit of contact called....

                                                      Yep. the high five. Ah, perhaps we don't go that far when out on the road or trail when getting our miles in for the day. But still, isn't that fun nonetheless!!! Now, we all do that at races and I rarely see some who are so crotchety and mean that they refuse a high five or post race bit of encouragement. That is only part of why we are happy to be runners.  Yet it is one of the best and happiest parts.

                                                       So, when you are out for a run on the road or trail, SMILE.
Make eye contact and  say hello to that fellow runner, walker or non creepy stalker type of citizen.
Sure, they are out there too. We all have to be on guard. but the majority are not the aforementioned weirdos. and imagine how your smile and attitude can set the tone for not only their day and run, but your own!!Then we ALL end up smiling like these folks!!!! Not a frown around!!!

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